Too much of a good thing
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Newspaper blues!
[All characters mentioned are non-fictional and I fervently hope they read this post (hah! fat chance) and realize what screwed up dolts they are]
The newspaper, every morning, does to me what coffee does to most others- gear you up to take on another pointless day. (albeit the best it can get is to a rusty 6th gear. Let’s not go there)
So what do you do when your mum puts salt instead of sugar in the coffee? What do you do when you wake up to a pile of horsemanure in the name of ‘news’?
An analysis of Metro Life, the supplement (to substantial news), May the 15th.
Some chick’s pic: wearing an Iron Maiden Tee. (I rub my eyes properly to read. I’m interested. Hopefully they’ll have mentioned where I can get those!)
1. It is ‘want to’ and not ‘wanna’. Are you a 14 year old yo-yo kid disguising as a reporter?
2. You’re saying it on your flabby frontside, girl. Not in anyone’s “face”.
3. We’ll get away with saying things alright. That bean between your ears? Water it.
4. This is the “most effective way of conveying the truth” eh? Somebody give me a Tee-shirt that says ‘Is being how dumb you are fashionable? What other excuse can you have?’
5. Get the grammar right! Please!
“The latest message I sport on my tee-shirt reads ‘I am allergic to people’. No, I love being around people but donning this tee gives me a high. I buy them only for their writing, I am choosy and wouldn’t mind spending a bomb on that.” says 21 year old Pranalika Mahanta, a postgraduate student of
1. The world can do without people who get a ‘high’ by wearing something they think is uber-cool. Why don’t you jump off your terrace?
2. Of course you’ll spend a bomb on that, hun. Its after all some graying guy’s money. He loves his daughter. But why should she be mindful of expenditures! You’re after all of a tender 21 years.
Resigning to the fact that all articles can’t cater to my stream of thought, I turn the page. Some sensible articles later, on Page 3, I find the shitwits aren’t done bullcrapping yet.
‘Pocketful of Penny’
(I was frustrated by now. The potential blog post on the ludicrousness of the reporters came to mind, and I was encouraged. Bracing myself, I started)
“Times They are a changing” indeed. Consumer continues to be the king but that consumer includes the youngster as well.
1. The Chamber of Commerce calculates pocket money? What next? Adolescent ear-bud expenses?
2. Simran sweetie, someone speaks to you for worth 2 grand a month? Or do you call up those ‘hi h r u call me notty ramu
3. At least I save. I’m 16 too but I don’t think I need toilet seats with swavroski crystals. Methinks I can save 3 bucks a day without having to read this pitiful newspaper.
4. It takes 700 bucks a week to travel? How far is your rehab centre really?
5. What the fluffyduck! How can you extrapolate one jazzy kid’s luxury to generalize everybody’s life?!
6. Ms. Anupama Ramakrishnan. Get. The. Grammar. Right.
91 Comments:
absolutely...
lol... make this a regular feature of your blog!!... "read the newspaper through NT's eyes" :)...
and i wonder if someone will actually call notty ramu on that number you gave!! :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hilarious & interesting observations NT ..
Perhaps you can also share the sketch of Ms. Ramakrishnan with that note which says "Get the grammer right" :P Should be good and buttered matter for your next post. ;)
LOL .. and interesting observations with notty ramu .. Or tell me this, do you happen to call him sometime :P
The post rocks NT !! Keep penning. :)
heya,that was a squeamish post..
adept writeup...
pocketmoney thingie.. well 2 grands is huge.. but for me it use to be daily basis... need based...
Since newspapers are getting obtuse, am on blogs... they are a lot better..
liked thy post and look of ur blog template...
Tc.
Omi
what a post :) don't change your paper,the hindu is becoming worse by the day...it is becoming more of a ad paper than anything else...
lol good one. i don't see what the big problem with wanna is tho. and roflmfao at It takes 700 bucks a week to travel? How far is your rehab centre really?
@ a new philosopher is born
I'm glad you concur! =D
@ crimson feet
Just when I thought my life was too uneventful to find topics to blog! =D Thanks! I'll do that! =D
I'll be honored if you DO try calling notty ramu! =P Keep me posted if you will! =P
@ nickdigital
Thanks so much! =) Thanks for the sketching ideas too. That'll wrap up Ms. Anuradha's career! =D
Calling notty ramu, with my levels of joblessness, I'll get there soon enough. =P
Thanks! =)
@ big omi
Hey thanks! =)
About the pocket money, I'm only being jealous, of course! =P
@ vishesh
=)
No, I wont! If mine's giving me blog-matter, hell! I wont! =P
@ g-man
Thanks! =)
Nah, 'wanna' is totally fine with me. I use it too sometimes. It was just about wanting to lash out on the article in as many ways as I could! =P
ohhh please donot forget the farce that is being aired in the name of 24 hour news channels..only yesterday i saw them debating over the video of a singapore hotel which was haunted..and also disucssin sanjay dutt's new ferrari!!!!
come on people GET A LIFE!!!!
there are much better important things in life than knowing which actor changed his hairstyle and which actrss has trimmed her abs :)
its good that if youngies don't get that huge pocketmoney... i believe rather i know ..not all can make proper use of it... most o them end up getting addicted to anything..
Tc.
Omi
hmm....my google reader just displayed a couple of pics ...under class woes...the eye in that seemed pretty organic :)
Hey,
lol..those quotes n stuff at times usually have all of that in them..(the error and whatever)
and my advice to you..open a column in your blog..all about the newspaper and some..^^^ (above kind of thiings)
Whatever..I like your blog..
and mind telling me how d'ya have yr background image like that (tis damn cool,seriously)
CheeRz,
Aayushi
(Do visit my blog soon)
haha, I remember seeing that headline in MetroLife! Didn't read it there. Glad I read your enhanced version. :P
the notty ramu part was so freakin hilarious. :D
btw, i still think ToI is better. they atleast have spiced up horce manure. :P
nicely critisized. :D
go girl, go!
*Pulls a 6 foot 3 inch-er out of a magic hat for NT and makes him clap for her*
:D
@ nefarious outlook
=) Totally! The 24-hours ones, they always seem to be groping for stories, apart from being prejudiced!
@ big omi
Addiction? tch I'm an offender too then! The internet can really keep you hooked and addicted. :o
@ aayushi
Thanks! =) Look up finalsense.com and choose what you want!
@ busywriter
Thank you saar! =D
Of course, you love ToI- what with Saif-stuff being on most pages on all days! =P
@ honeydew-jia
*Borrows the magic hat and pulls out a Man-U supporting Jainite to kiss her thanks*
This addiction is worth it...
i m high on it..
cheers ;)
Whooooo??? :O
What happened to that stick? :O
Oh, wait. Thanks. :D If only.. :(
loved this article! LOL at do you call up those ‘hi h r u call me notty ramu 9846736721’ kind?
but it's not just newspapers man, even tv news channels are going down the same path. look at star news and india tv :( newspapers, IMO are comparitively better.
nice blog though :)
@ ashish
Thanks! =)
Yep, they're all messed up in their heads about the idea of what is news!
Bleh, who gives two hooters for the news now anyway? I'll buy any tees you sell. With messages.
Are you gonna call them EnTees?
i haven't lol'd so hard in a long fucking time, thank you :)
n excuse me the grammar, it helps me think that i am still young :P
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