Too much of a good thing
Thursday, May 15, 2008
[All characters mentioned are non-fictional and I fervently hope they read this post (hah! fat chance) and realize what screwed up dolts they are]
The newspaper, every morning, does to me what coffee does to most others- gear you up to take on another pointless day. (albeit the best it can get is to a rusty 6th gear. Let’s not go there)
So what do you do when your mum puts salt instead of sugar in the coffee? What do you do when you wake up to a pile of horsemanure in the name of ‘news’?
Deccan Herald is one of the few remaining papers that still uses sensibility to sell. Not Jay-Z’s nostril size. Or so I thought. Maybe, unlike the ToI, it doesn’t bank on Kareena Kapoor’s waist size, but of late, its reporters are so mindfucked that they make an article out of every insignificant little poop and pass it off as the ‘latest buzz’ or ‘trend’. Get a life and a story. Please!
An analysis of Metro Life, the supplement (to substantial news), May the 15th.
Front page article ‘Wear your attitude on your Tshirt’ catches my bored eye.
Some chick’s pic: wearing an Iron Maiden Tee. (I rub my eyes properly to read. I’m interested. Hopefully they’ll have mentioned where I can get those!)
Wanna say something on someone’s face and get away with it? Then why not wear the message on your tee-shirt? There just can’t be another in-your-face of saying the truth as effectively as this.
1. It is ‘want to’ and not ‘wanna’. Are you a 14 year old yo-yo kid disguising as a reporter?
2. You’re saying it on your flabby frontside, girl. Not in anyone’s “face”.
3. We’ll get away with saying things alright. That bean between your ears? Water it.
4. This is the “most effective way of conveying the truth” eh? Somebody give me a Tee-shirt that says ‘Is being how dumb you are fashionable? What other excuse can you have?’
5. Get the grammar right! Please!
And that was just the introductory paragraph to the article folks!
“The latest message I sport on my tee-shirt reads ‘I am allergic to people’. No, I love being around people but donning this tee gives me a high. I buy them only for their writing, I am choosy and wouldn’t mind spending a bomb on that.” says 21 year old Pranalika Mahanta, a postgraduate student of
1. The world can do without people who get a ‘high’ by wearing something they think is uber-cool. Why don’t you jump off your terrace?
2. Of course you’ll spend a bomb on that, hun. Its after all some graying guy’s money. He loves his daughter. But why should she be mindful of expenditures! You’re after all of a tender 21 years.
I’ll leave the bleeding article here. I’m too indignant to continue! :D
Resigning to the fact that all articles can’t cater to my stream of thought, I turn the page. Some sensible articles later, on Page 3, I find the shitwits aren’t done bullcrapping yet.
‘Pocketful of Penny’
(I was frustrated by now. The potential blog post on the ludicrousness of the reporters came to mind, and I was encouraged. Bracing myself, I started)
No kidding! Kids are getting richer by the day. What used to be Rs. 300 per month for pocket money, 10 years ago has now shot up to Rs. 1800, according to the Associated Chamber of Commerce and Industry of India. Says 16 year old Simran Sabharwal, “I get a pocket money of Rs. 2000 per month. The entire amount goes in paying my phone bills. Apart from that I get around Rs. 600 to
“Times They are a changing” indeed. Consumer continues to be the king but that consumer includes the youngster as well.
1. The Chamber of Commerce calculates pocket money? What next? Adolescent ear-bud expenses?
2. Simran sweetie, someone speaks to you for worth 2 grand a month? Or do you call up those ‘hi h r u call me notty ramu
3. At least I save. I’m 16 too but I don’t think I need toilet seats with swavroski crystals. Methinks I can save 3 bucks a day without having to read this pitiful newspaper.
4. It takes 700 bucks a week to travel? How far is your rehab centre really?
5. What the fluffyduck! How can you extrapolate one jazzy kid’s luxury to generalize everybody’s life?!
6. Ms. Anupama Ramakrishnan. Get. The. Grammar. Right.
A couple of other useless columns made up the rest of the paper. This was as far as I could get myself to be bothered! =D